The Wonderful Present

Present is an experience,

that never happened, 

and will never happen, 

for a moment ago, 

and a moment later, 

it is no more a present. 

And we live in nowhere, 

but in the present, 

that opens,

and keeps opening itself, 

a gift of infinity to us. 

I must confess, present is a wonderful "present". A "present", the true colors of which we fail, as well failed to see. The true love and care of which is never understood, acknowledged. The uniqueness of which goes unappreciated, as everyone of us is busy to see, to catch a glimpse of the "present" of others, than one in hand. And what we miss is wonderful details, a beauty not there in any other "present". Down what moments of present make, we find the very, and every color of other, but in a different order, concentrations, depth forming a chronology, same as none. Sometimes someone else, may have color that appeals us, that soothes our senses from the pain of purposelessness, before us. Doesn't mean it isn't for you, but means, we haven't yet acquired the state to enjoy it, to it's completeness. But, hold your heart and patience, you too will find that color, at time, not when you are ready, but when we are ripe, not by numbers, but by thought. After all it's our present (" "), why kill it with someone else'. Said Oscar Wilde rightly about being cynic by comparing our present, i.e pricing it :-

"A cynic is man who knows price of everything but value of nothing"

A big hug from Magányos !!!

Life has so much to teach and so much to offer. But certain things are taught and learnt the harder way, and the product of it is the sweetest lesson of ones life. 

Personally, one of the hardest thing I found is to patch-up with friend, that one has spoiled relations with, or, ones, existence of whom goes unacknowledged. Whether it happens or not depends on either side, both should be able to forgive other's mistake and admit own's, which is amicable compromise, that people fail to realize, or, even if they, fail to acknowledge owing to egos. But  fortunately I had an amicable compromise, owing to wisdom I gained in my friends company.

She's been my consistent companion the day 1 of my college life. She was the only, who seemed to respect my existence, while the person standing beside me shook hands with everyone but me. The rest too like him were too busy making introductions elsewhere, which are false, fake, phony. Ask me how we met? I would have said, we just met, but as time went by, we became, from mere acquaintance to friends and all I can say is, if it wasn't for she who is so caring, loyal and compassionate, we would have never met and been best of companies at all. She walked elegantly through seemingly disappearing people, confident, conscious and aware of people she was making or perhaps wanting to make acquaintance with, to me. Magányos was the name of her. She was unassuming, always there to listen my thoughts, however depressing, dreamy, impractical they are. The best thing about being with her, is peace that she brings along with her, that I found in or with none, but in the subtle moments of her company. When she is and was around, I can't help seeing the worse in a positive light, in the hopeless a small hope, in a loss a small gain or win, in hate some love, in pauper the richness. Such was the change she brought in me, not that she is very hopeful, optimistic, worry-less, rich, but she was in peace with them. In short she seemed the peace, that could tame my agitated heart, she was a friend that I was blessed with. With her the time just seemed to fly by, hours and minutes  condensing to just some beautiful moments. It was wonderful, till liefde passed by me, on one un-eventful ( you shall understand as you read :P ) day, giving my heart a slip. She was looking terrific, than Magányos. I ended up making friends with her buddies, hoping to know some of her from her mates. They were all nice, wonderful beings. They were enjoyable, but she wasn't comfortable with me as was she with them, perhaps that they were her friends for long time, but even my niceties couldn't help me past them, close to her heart, and the fear that I may lose her was killing me every moment and was causing pain. I wished her for me, she was in dreams, driving me desperate, and I was yielding to the obsession that she was becoming, that I was close to becoming mad. And then when I told this to her, she said back, "You have so much fear in you of future, but it takes courage to be with me. You are wonderful person to be with, perhaps not the right one". It was heart-breaking, but I had nothing but to give-in to what she told, which was as a matter of fact, a truth, that my conscience is well aware of, but been helpless about. During time, when I was getting ready to take my biggest lesson, totally unaware of it, I ignored Magányos, not deliberately though, but it happened. Why? Maybe, in my pursuit to impress liefdie, I became so obsessed that I became oblivious of her ( Magányos ) existence. Yet, she stood by word that bound us together. She patiently followed me throughout my pursuit always looking out when I may need help. And when I fell, feeling alone, I realized I wasn't alone. 

Well, today when I think of this, I feel lot bad about my treatment, but if it wasn't for the big hug from her, I would have been a lone soul. Cheers to her !!!

 

I know a girl, who goes to temple !

Say "India", all you can think of is  diversities accumulated in one country, across it's length and breadth. And Temples? No wonder, to anyone they are an insight into the culture and tradition that stood on strong, passing from generation to generation, they are to some gateways of spiritual world, to some they are place of peace or bliss, to some it's a home, and it doesn't stop here. Of lately, both the culture and traditions face a threat, people seem to forget that, which made our land distinct from the rest of the world, which inspired other people, to uphold their religion, culture and tradition. Why I say this? It's been long that I have seen someone in a langa-voni, someone in a pancha, our own traditional attires, on the occasions of festivals, important functions at home, they have been replaced by Jeans, tops, Armanis. They aren't wrong, but they ain't the tradition of ours as well :(. But, there are still some people, who haven't forgotten their roots, they haven't forgotten where and to what they belong. It's rare, that one comes across such people, and coming across such people gives an impression to me that am still in India, a land that is distinct in every-way one could ever imagine, it gives me hope, again I will get a feel of the traditions that I haven't felt for long, that I am afraid I too must have forgotten. And all this writing, that may seem bullshit to many, is inspired by one little lady I know, who goes to temple ( I haven't "often" seen a girl, except for old ladies and aunties in temple, hence seeing someone like the lady am talking of, in temple is of utmost significant, and calls for apathy to ones who had fortune growing in home (India) and have forgotten what is home like), and , who irrespective of atmosphere and culture she's been brought up in, never forgot her roots, traditions, and humility and has stuck with them, with all her devotion. She had stirred, a sense of tradition, gratitude and belonging in me. I will forever thank her, and remain indebted to her, for having shown, what I have missed about the wonderful land that I have grown in, that which is my 'home". My salutes to her. 

P.S :    Tradition, as per my belief, were set for good, maybe to bring the family together or to keep up the idea of family,  but, then it never meant to cause disharmony in society, as some senseless retards called "fanatics" do and did, who misrepresented them to society, later calling it culture and using it to discriminate, tarnishing the very essence of word "tradition". And society never bothered to think, unfortunately.

Going to temple isn't tradition, there are several others (eating together, lunch or dinner, celebrating a festival together). Like I believe, tradition were set, to keep up the Idea of family. How ? When we have similar  goals, we work together, and tradition, is just that reason, to come or to be together, it is something "common" that may help family be together. Tradition, has nothing to do with being a theist or atheist, and so is it with culture.

Culture on the whole, is just another set of practice or a commonality, I opine, for setting apart or giving a distinct identity to a religion or caste or community, but not to differentiate, just like king cobra from the rest of cobra.

And am sure, people who were founders of both "Culture" and "Tradition", never said or did, anything to hurt other and must have been in complete harmony, but then as it came to this day, through innumerable generations, the likes of Ego, Arrogance, Jealousy, did their part of creating mess, causing to differentiate and totally diluting two words of essence and harmony. How and what propelled their rise ? Said Darwin, "The fittest survive", People wanted to survive, not live. 
( People who created identity for themselves always got respect and admiration, but people who tried to differentiate caused fights and damage, just like pandavas and kauravas, respectively ( for those who don't believe in Mahabharatha, it's just one from another Indian Myth )

Fortunately, reforms have been taking place, people are now forgetting differences, celebrating, together. "Culture" and "Tradition", in name of which, retards created ruckus, have lost themselves and became synonyms of "Difference". But maybe, this seems a better way for harmony, but this is competitive world, you never know, as we have habit of using mere words to our advantage, changing the meaning of word wholly itself. It's solely we who can change everything, the god, the words, the everything.

And people, this article is about one girl, whose ancestors followed a practice, though she grew far away, she never forgot it. This isn't about going to temple, or following a tradition, but friends it's about upholding them, respecting the family, that am sure most aren't fortune of feeling. And all the above article is with reference to the tradition, that I have been following, not anyone else's.

The old lady said,"babu, inda laddulu . . . "

Well , what you are reading' has happened a long time ago, of-course, not when there were kings and queens, or, his highness and her highness, but when there were leaders, with their pot-belly stomachs, always growing  in, to accommodate what are called the "green notes", more than what it did the previous day, OH! sorry, am lenient I guess, but a moment actually. Ticket-less, the stranger was, he had to help himself with the people, that were, and are representation of a true India, subjected to negligence, apathy, who were looking at him with deep respectful eyes betraying their pains. Judged by appearance, they were envying what they think of his life being a "bed of roses",  ignorant and oblivious of mean city culture, a city-wallah that he is, bright and promising as it looks, but dark as we go deep, with sleepless nights, insecurity, wayward lifestyle becoming his consistent companions that he has forgot to be anything, but be hostile and mean. But theirs was worse, they tried, but even their eyes were betraying them, one could clearly see the pain of being rejected, of being played with, of being subjected to injustice, of being taken advantage of , of being denied of their own earnings and endless other reasons in those eyes to even smile. Yet, they were warm, accommodating, compassionate, caring, showering all the love they can, on this stranger who was feeling himself at the place he did not belong to, for he was a city bred, on this stranger mannerly enough that he wont leave his seat for old frail woman standing near him, for that stranger who thinks that "these illiterate people . . . , shee! why don't these people learn some manners", who cannot reciprocating same compassion and love shown on him, but always doubting, as he was from city, you know!. When it was noon, that he was without any food, the old lady asked," babu, inda, laddulu teesuko, enta sepu tinakunda untaavu ? ( Son, have some laddus, how long will you be hungry ? ), and all the while the stranger was cursing his bad luck, and waiting for a call, that never came and at times, looking at his engagement ring.

A new admissions' encounter with Embarrassment :P

" Just out of bed , walking towards the balcony , the fragrance of the bare soil greeted him , the pink rose in his garden had pearl like rain-drops on its petals and a honey-bee sitting on it , the drizzle has just stopped , making the whole vicinity look like a beauty drenched in rain . . . . " . In a house of 3 rooms that were almost square, enough to allow me sleep stretching my legs, a house where only way one can enjoy outside was through window as there wasn't any balcony, a woman was waking her son for school . It would be first time that he would be going "there”. He isn't a first standard student as you may understand; he is an eighth class student, but a new admission. Well, first day of a "new admission”. .  New people, new culture, new experience, so good tell and write, isn’t it? But seriously if one is a "new admission" where everyone admonishes the place , culture , people of where you came from , all the "new" so beautiful to write and tell someone whose would it be the first day in school , it sums up to "NIGHTMARE" happening in real world , unfortunately with him . But how was he to know all this? After-all he is just an eighth class student. Of course, he was going to know this . . . unfortunately on his first day. After having talked to principal, he was directed to class VIII-A.  He was led to room number “god knows what”(they talked in the local language of the land on which it was his 7^th day) by peon , shabbily dressed in khakis, smiling back at the boy at times to make him at ease, but was actually scaring hell out of him. Alas, when he went into the class finally, he went straight to sir and asked, “Morning sir, is this class VIII-A?” (Wishing for a negative) to which sir replied, “Yes, son”. He was shattered. He was in for an embarrassing situation. He was a new admission, in shorts, into the class of ones in pants and salwar-kameez. He was a new admission, into class where not one was speaking, that could make sense to him. He was a new admission, into world of humans, who were looking more alien than aliens has seen in TV, whose culture, language, tradition ,humor were beyond his comprehension. He was feeling odd one out. But, he came to accept that, and went to sit beside one who was looking lesser alien to him. And the lesser alien started, “abey, mera naam Harish hai. Tera kya naam hai?”. A sigh of relief for the new admission, Harish was talking language he could understand, has knowledge of. He was more than happy to have one such companion. Even before he could sink himself in this god sent parinda, the class teacher announced to class of his decision to make the new admission a class monitor, citing the probability of him being un-biased. He was devastated, for his imaginations followed . . . “standing near the board in his shorts, between the periods, monitoring class, where everyone is wearing pant like an adult, making him feel kiddo, all girls giggling at his sight, taking fun out of him between the time teachers come and go. ” .  He was feeling naked. But, the responsibility couldn’t be helped, as the ridicule was soon to get over. But, this was his tryst, with “embarrassment”. 

through the clouds . . . only for you !!!

Life has so much to teach , if only we like to learn it and so is the case with the setting-sun . This picture has been in some drive of my computer for lot many days , but I never had a chance of taking a lesson from this random click of mine , until , a friend of mine shared her view on this photo , not that she is a photographer , but has a very positive outlook to the life . We see the light being obstructed by the dark clouds but then they are piercing their way through them . A very simple thing that one can say about this photo , but unless we take a learning from it , its just a piece of crap someday going to find its way into dustbin and its immortality and the whole process of photography suffers a insult , for every picture or photo we take we have an added sentiment , emotion and a memory to it and till we don't realize it , it's just a piece of paper that we have in hand . Well so much about a piece of paper and photo , but what did I learn ? Well a simple philosophy that I could make out "No matter what may , I shall always shine , I shall always fight darkness , light the lives of million , guide them to their destinations , even though clouds should obstruct me , I shall pierce my way through them , for I have a job , responsibility to do , and I expect nothing , for am doing no favor , am doing my responsibility" . . . .and just guess a world without him people , am sure you will realize what I am trying to say :)

I proposed my love !!!

The weather couldn't have been any welcoming, lovable or better than it was on that beautiful day. I couldn't have been as bold if not daring , as I was on that day. I never took care of myself , if not for that day. Time just seemed to pass by, unlike seconds like hour, it was hours like seconds that day, till,  the borrowed watch on my wrist, had its silver-lined radium hour hand at 150 degrees in clockwise with respect to the similar minute hand. And I was getting prepared for, what would decide my future, what could decide what and how I will I be, what perhaps is going to remain one of the deciding moments in my history when I look back to this day fifty years later. I was getting ready for the proposal that I was going to make to a girl who, with every passing second , minute , hour , day , fortnight , months , season and with every passing year, since I first saw her was becoming more angelic, divine and maybe slowly the purpose of my life , existence. With every step that I was taking towards her, my heart was skipping beats more than ones it did in previous step , with every step towards her I was feeling her aura pulling me into her small world in which I wanted to breathe, live and perhaps die , for death is an invitation to eternalness. And there she was standing right in-front of me, not aware of my eyes seeing her ,that have been following her everywhere for she was the sight of  those eyes, not aware of what is to follow for she has no clue of my existence , my love for her. But then she deserved to know of my love and trauma, that I go through everyday at the thought of loosing her forever beyond my reach. And when I came close to her "ah! god , why did you send such an angel to earth who's become a dream am obsessed with, which if I don't realize I become a soul-less corpse which is just breathing and wasting oxygen that some other human could have breathed extending his time with his "dear" . . . to hell with you god, just take everything except her from me for "she" has become "me" to me . . " and for a moment my senses stopped working, there wasn't any part that knew responding to the stimulus perhaps and a "hi!" that escaped from my mouth made way to her perfect peanut shaped ears which were defining "perfect" better than any, that were defining or have defined it, that were decorating the ear-rings that she wore . . . and her beautiful eyes, deep and containing ocean of love, lined with kajal followed the direction of source , to me . . and "am called Laxmi sai prasad , I wished to tell you something that I believe will relieve me from an unwanted guest that's been living with me ever since I saw you , for the thought of not having you was unbearable and pain, I feel that you deserve more than what you have and this world is just devoid of it, the very thought you and me being in each other's self is very sweet and liberating, something I really do not want to do away with, I don't know what consequences are to follow but with you around am sure to face them , dear "I love you", will you be my girl ?" evaded my memory for my heart was convinced of  what was to follow and they just let "dear "I love you", will you be my girl ?" out . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .and I was a human , breathing , hale and healthy and life turning lovely and lively than it ever was to me and the beauty was the face of my "dear" , beautiful than anything, anyplace that one can name or describe or comprehend or imagine, for she was all it is . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . .dude it's 745hrs, get up freshen yourself , we gotta skip our breakfast else we shall never make it to NSDE class and you know what the consequences are , he is gonna scare hell out of us and we will regret being "human" :D

Is the right we know "right" ?

after the lab that didn't happen, on our way to fill our starving stomachs, me and my intelligent friend who has been "living life on his own terms", were discussing indulgences that society reportedly considered "bad" (naturally am talking of drinking, smoking and all that you can name). Saying of society, considering the Indian population which mostly consists of conservative middle class families, further classified into upper and lower with reference to something almighty's might too shan't be able to define, we decided to have a look on traditional middle class' take on such indulgences (obviously they say they are bad, why ?). While discussing, I couldn't help the labels that are tagged around people with such indulgences, not because I smoke or drink or anything, but I felt that the labeling was unjust and foolish. I have seen people smoking and eventually ending up having some kind of cancer, I have seen people getting drunk and behave like a crazy senseless, but, one thing I personally feel about them is that, these people have a situation that they are finding difficult to handle, neither do they want to rub it on any other, as a result, they are resorting to these which for temporarily, though, let them in the dream world that they wanted to be in and in our dreams we "never die" neither "are having situation", but all we have is "happies",So now is this why they should be labeled ? for wanting to be happy ? They know the consequences, but they chose it because maybe they feel it better that they alone carry the burden and let it end with them. We see all that is superficial and conclude a hell lot about it and label the indulgences "bad", no no no , not us , some section of fool and it becomes convention and they are bad, and while I was saying all this ,my dear friend said "dude you know that these are bad, why supporting it ? it's foolish . . live life on your terms",  and all I felt was that I was talking to another person who is under illusion that he's been living life on his own terms.Ha!, here is this gentleman who doesn't know what right or wrong is like, but knows what is right and wrong, and he's "living life on his own terms" never bothering to think about how right is the "right" he knows is? . . it's just reminds me of what I read of a rope being mistook for snake in dark, in a sanskrit textbook :)

p.s : am not encouraging any kind of indulgences talked about but i feel pained to see them being labelled and trust me they are better than manipulators without any such indulgences and all am trying to say is "come out of this convention and start thinking as to what is right and wrong and why, and do what you feel is right than actually ending up doing what society feels right . . . for this society is most fickle minded :) "

all for Rs.5 !

Am on yet another train journey back to my college at warangal with my friends after enjoyi' the Sankranthi festival with home , so are most in train with me heading back to their respective workplaces , it's post-festival but for TC it's just the day or festival that he's been looking forward for he can pocket some cash into his account(s). People are still to come out of the festive mood still reminiscing them. Looking out I find lush green spread through vast areas of land and it was offering one such view for which I was ready to shell out, never in past had I had a viewing like this, everything's looking perfect , like a perfect day in progress. And there are vendors trying to sell fries, chips etcetra and ofcourse the baritones of the chaiwalas shouting "chaai chaai garam garam masala chaai" all around. As the journey was progressing, a young lad came selling chips, he was as young as 10 maybe, in white shirt completely soiled and torn here and there and a khakhi shorts, bare-foot, totally disorganized hair and definitely seeing him one would sure realize what he is loosing atleast I could. He looked innocent but wasn't naive, looking timid that he wasn't, he wanted book but he knew he cannot and here he is selling chips and he successfully sold 3 packets of chips though I dinn buy one considering the hygiene of chips. The person who bought the chips gave him 100 rupees note and while trying to take out change that he ought to return to the buyer a five rupee coin fell from his pocket making its way into dark luggage spaces beneath the berths and he was searchin' for it , keeping his hands on the dirty floor where innumerable people must have stamped with the filth that their footwears are protecting from, he is resting his head on that dirty floor just for the Five that he has lost ,and it was embarrassing realization what a 5.rupees were meaning to him and what it meant to us. Most of us are ready to forgive ourselves for our callousness and forget the five then and there ,but not people like him who are many out there, this boy is ready to pick our chappals blocking his vision and we here are finding it difficult to wash our own ass, spending every rupee on trivials , materialistics without realizing the pain one must have gone through for the very 5 rupees , and what left me aghast even after his vain search for that 5.rupees was that even after series of such thoughts I did not give him 5 rupees which meant way too lot for him than to me for having educated me without having asked for and yet forgiving my selfishness and shrewdness for the very 5 rupees :( . . . though after all this I tried my best to make a vow to spend meaningfully only to realize how alien the word was looking to me now than ever !

Only friends dare to kick me ;)

am laughin' . . .ha ha ha . . .all around me are my friends . . . I just can remember how happy was I . .knock knock , the reality just woke me up from my happy dream. My darling friends woke me for a dirty yet lovable breakfast. . . "dirty because it was garbage most times than food , lovable because it was just another reason where we come together and feed on each others sanity, if one had any. Four years of all this and one fine day you wake up to realize that there won't be another such days again, really makes me sad". . . Well, we go and have a nice breakfast, masala dosa (i believe i needn't really have to describe how it tastes),  and we go for a  long walk as it is one rare pleasant day, there is a moderate breeze , the sun is hiding behind the dark clouds . .  ."ouch !" someone kicked me . . . by the time i realize everyone is laughin' and am just joining it, and am thinkin' , one more year possibly and I would actually be landing into fight than actually laughin' it off. Every thought makes me think that what is it about friends but,no other person in this world, that we laugh while our dignity, respect is being torn off ? I search for an answer in proceedings so far , and I realize that we are friends more because we understand each others shortcomings than strong ones, they understand the bad us better than the good us which is why we don't need to pretend but just be, which is why I guess they are only ones other than shadows that are there with you whatsoever and the ones who even if ripping us apart can be tolerated. God knows what had me writing this , but I wish really good friends for everyone, whilst I enjoy "oh my friend" song from "happy days"

Silly , but , need a thought !

My eyes are still burning , but I have to wake up . . the hens are yet to cackle , the birds still to start their chirping , the sun still is busy lighting the other side of globe . . and the minute hand of my wristwatch is in 90 degrees in anti-clockwise direction with hour hand . . . it's just an hour  me and my friends are rushin' to catch the train . . . as always we keep a word with our traditions i.e last minute running . . thank god! we got in the train . . . but the sleep had all of us  . . a beep sound had our sleep vanished . . . it was six and way too early time for aishwarya to message nakul . . but then she too , like us had a journey to go on with and her day was no different from us that day . . .but our paths were opposite . . . it was hour since and it was clear that we would be reachin'  station after aishwarya's train has already started . . hence they decided to wave each other when our trains cross . . and those moments of waiting till the train in opposite track ran parallel to us was when I could see a surge of excitement in my friend nakul's face . . .he was searchin' with desperate eyes for her ? never did he seem to me so desperate . . . never a prospect of meeting or talking to an old dear friend had his adrenalin rush the way just sayin' a good bye to his new friend had him . . .and i found myself sunk into a deep thought , to find an answer to this kind of difference in reaction of my dear friend nakul ?? and answer  . . . am thinking :P