when the emotions became too heavy !!!

it's after all another Friday to many , just another day in calender . . .everyone was was gearing for yet another it's a weekend . .  .it's time they relax for all the hardwork they have put throughout the week . . . movies , biryani point , shopping vagera vagera  . . . but to me this was unlike any Friday since the day I left the place which in other words was my childhood . .  . this Friday I was getting to see just a part of it . . .and am meetin' my buddy who was a wonderful character that made my childhood the way I see and reminiscence it . . . we met for just 5-10 odd minutes but everything for those precious minutes was no more the real place it was . . . it was Kakrapar flashing infront of my eyes . .  . for those 10 minutes I was with my buddies which were part of my wonderful and beautiful past  . . . all the things that we were doing . . .the feeling of being a shaktimaan  . . . collecting the wild fruits and eating . . . stealing mangos . . .playing cricket . . . ofcourse hitting , beating each other . . . and after those 10 minutes passed like a flash . .  .the train has already started I bid him farewell against all my wishes for the surreal was better than the real and i wanted it to continue  . and before i could realize I was already in tears and the emotions in me became so heavy that I asked my friend to support me from falling  . . .

I wanna be "genius"

Its just is bliss to look into eyes of a new born . . .they look like the purest beads one can ever get to see , that the beads costing fortune seem trash . . . they laugh , they smile ,all pure and unique . . . they are original , they are joy (to) themselves , everythin' they do we want to treasure . . . and what do we treasure is nothin' but the "genius" in them which are so original that nothin' duplicate is good enough for it . . . what is it that makes them "genius" keeps haunting me , every day , every night ! for i too want to be a "genius" (at least to self) , and i try , i try and i try and all this in vain . . . for I have lost it all in me that made me a "genius" , the innocence , the ignorance , the thirst to learn , the zeal to do everythin' that makes me happy (be it eatin' a five star) . . .  for no more am I any of it . . . this insane world has groomed me to just another brilliant like every other being on this planet . . . whose ingenuity is what  this world wants to look at , compelling and ultimately succeeding in faking me   . . .  and what am I now , another hungry mean brilliant . .  . in me I found a shallow person worth nothin' of "genius" but a  person still under illusion that he is "genius"  . . ! . . but then am not givin' up i want to die "genius" . . . and I shall succeed ! 

I "just didn't(couldn't) enjoy the show"

the other day I was seeing "Moneyball" , Ms.Kerris Dorsey was singing "Just enjoy the show" to her dad . . . . all the song was stressing, was that one must do what they like , than strangling themselves doing something  they don't know or they don't love  , for success is in enjoyin' than in proving by wining , winning and winning again  . . . of course , though the song struck chord with me especially with the message it was delivering . . . but I couldn't help thinking the irony the world was offering . . . i don't enjoy what am doing and , at times , what i love doing either and i believe so is the case with many others around who are surviving more on the "herd  mentality" . . . and still we do it !! a possible answer was "for surviving" . . . and I got my answer when people said that they do it for surviving . as they were not "living" . . and It dawned on me that am not living am surviving . . .surviving to prove to others who don't give damn , but makin' me even worse at times (loosing the whole sanity and purity that I could have existed with) surviving perhaps to just regret or frett over what I couldn't do than over what I didn't do or what I did :(